Re-fighting famous battles with amateur style omniscience
Agincourt – 1415, the Hundred Years War (Engage brain)
This is the wrong place to fight ya French twits. Maybe not the worst ground ever, but YOU PICKED IT! So bad it is funny. Charging across muddy ploughed fields! Dense forests to protect the English flanks and constrict your own numerical advantage! ‘Stupidly confident’ or just plain old ‘stupid’.
But the French can still come out top dog. Assuming the English re-positioning towards you happens too quickly to take advantage of: Get a tight rein on those uppity nobles- no premature charges. Organise your knights into 3 separate groups. You want simultaneous attacks from the front and rear on the English. So 2/3 of the mounted troops go wide, right and left around the forests of Agincourt and Tramecourt. You have all that cav, all those troops, use your numerical advantage!
Meanwhile push your crossbows and archers forward. Try going through, or along the edges of, the flanking forests. Get them to shoot the lightly armoured English archers. Tell me you brought pavises? If not they probably will come off second best but should still keep the longbow men busy. Meanwhile your flanking cavalry trot in a huge encircling manoeuvre, staying away from the English baggage for the moment (yeah good luck with that!)
Sure the English will goad you with arrow fire – pull your frontal cavalry back and get your dismounted knights/infantry to raise their shields (tell me you brought shields?) and start towards them. Meh, see it’s just pointy sticks at this range. Hopefully your missile troops will be returning the favour.
Your infantry are on the nasty muddy slog towards the English lines. But this time less bunched up and with fewer longbow men to contend with. When they are almost there, blow some horns and sound the attack. Your frontal cavalry charges in on either side of your infantry who should already be getting to grips. This frontal attack will still be hard going, but the English will be very busy holding you off. The slam dunk comes from the cavalry in the rear- they gallop around the forests and charge into the English rear, wreaking havoc.
With any luck the Enemy will fill their breeches and break like a rotten twig. And yes, now you can murder the helpless English baggage train, again. Better hope the English don’t have any of your buddies captive though!
Battle of Naseby – 1645, the English Civil War (Cav comes back)
Old school, no talent Royalists get pasted by commoner professional army – boo yah! But could the snobby prats actually have won? Not bloody likely when they were outnumbered, poorly trained and poorly led! Basically both armies have two cavalry wings and a central pike and musket centre. The Royals take out the Parliament’s left flank but pursue off the battlefield. Parliament wins the right flank cavalry engagement and then turns upon the infantry and wins the day.
But with just a little itty-bitty 20/20 Hindsight, things could have been different!
Charles I’s army should not have fought this day – the numbers game was terrible. Get some decent scouting action happening. Intelligence -get it and use it! Withdraw north and reinforce.
But assuming you insist on duking it out … proceed as before. Rupert to smash Ireton’s cavalry on your right flank but then for gawds sake- STOP CHASING THEM!!! Rally those bloody idiots and come back ASAP! Then Rupert’s cavalry hits the rear of the Parliamentarian infantry and counters Okey’s pesky dragoons coming out of the flanking hedge. Rupert could get tricky and ride across and double tap Cromwell’s cavalry from the rear while Langdale hits the front, but that is a big ask and still leaves the infantry vulnerable.
On the eastern flank Langdale’s cavalry should obviously NOT attack uphill against Cromwell’s superior numbers (*facepalm*). Just sit there looking threatening, especially if your infantry is doing fine. Let Cromwell’s cavalry make the first move. Langdale will counter and still be beaten off, but all is not lost.
If Charles throws in his reserve forces immediately, they might just counter Cromwell’s attack on the Royalist left flank. This includes Charles charging in with his lifeguard cavalry. Risky- yep! But lose this battle and the Royalist war is over and he may as well be dead anyhoo.
And bada-bing bada-boom! Royalist nepotism can lurch along a bit longer in the face of an embryonic meritocracy.
Culloden – 1746, the Jacobite Rising (Retreat to victory!)
Whoever thought the Scots could beat the English in a frontal charge across boggy heather should have been chased out of the country wearing a dress. Culloden is terrible ground! Blind Fergus could have picked somewhere a wee bit more favourable. And the Scots had to wait under cannon fire for half a fuckin’ hour before getting the go order. Poor bastards.
The long night march on Nairn, wasn’t a totally bad idea (yeah, yeah -Prestonpans 2), but the slow going, confused and spread out forces on your home turf ain’t a good look lads. The night march ends up aborted piecemeal and the knackered squaddies trudge all the bloody way back. Brilliant start- NOT! Considering what happened later that day maybe the night march should have continued anyway. Surprise might not have been guaranteed but at least the English would be startled, their lines hastily drawn up and the cannons probably in crap positions.
Anyway assuming you end up back at Culloden… take one look at the ground and march west ASAP!! You should have ambushed Cumberland in a forest somewhere east of Nairn, but let’s not harp. Or maybe you should have captured Newcastle and cut off the coal to London, but we’re not harping…
Anyway the ground at Culloden is shite and, with the troops you have, not even the Armchair Corporal can pull this rabbit outta the hat. So about face and march the 6 miles to Inverness with the redcoats nipping at your heels. Their cavalry will be all over you but after their performance at the Battle of Falkirk Muir your lads should be safe. Get your artillery moving ahead and set up in some side streets, surely your useless gunners can manage that? Keep Cumberland’s boys close, chasing you into the town. Look scared, you’re on the run, lure him in…
Then turn on ‘em!! Your artillery unloads some point blank canister shot. Fire a musket volley or two from the front and from the flanking houses you’ve packed full of troops. Then Highland charge ’em with real Scots like Liam Neeson and Mel Gibson up in front! A close quarter brawl like this gives Bonnie Prince Charlie a great shot a victory. Street fightin’ Inverness style. Stitch that Jimmy!